Nothing 4 Nothing

The news videos from New Orleans and the Gulf states are overwhelming, and unbearable to watch. The loss of life and property is hard to comprehend. Why are people still living on freeways without water and food? Why do police cars, ambulances and fire trucks just pass them by? It is awful awful awful. This is what it will be like in every city in a disaster. Every man for himself. What happened to love thy neighbor? I can understand stealing food to survive, but why steal jewelry, tv's, and loot people's vacant homes? It is awful, awful, awful. I really had a good shocking look at my fellow Americans, and I don't like what I see. God help us all.
I will say that I think 95% of the people in the disaster are are good...but the news focuses on the 5% who are demonic.

"A temporary community dedicated to radical self-expression"
Where artists, intellectuals, non-conformists and the curious gather every year during Labor Day week. "The Man" is 40 feet tall and burned at the end of the gathering. I wish I was there!!!
Peace out all you lovely people at Burning Man!!!

I got a mosquito bite!!! I hope this is not my demise. I will have to see what happens all this week. Deet spray apparently didn't work.

R called went on and on about the good time had at bbq I wasn't invited to. Life Sucks. People would not have this kind of behavior at Burning Man...its all about peace and love.

Hurricane Katrina is hours away from New Orleans, and is about ready to barrel down on the gulf coast. Everyone please say a prayer for the people there. I am glad we only get earthquakes here. Did I just say *only*??? I watched The Eagles Final Tour One for the second time on tv tonight, love it, love their music..all of it, especially Hotel California and Desperado. Last night I watched The Mexican, I thought it was going to be about a Mexican man...turns out The Mexican is an antique silver gun. The movie was ok...I didn't like the violence they wanted to portray as comedy. What is wrong with people? Someone broke a bottle on the sidewalk in front of house, glass is all over the place, in the morning I will have to sweep it up before I back the car out of the garage. Grrrr Just what I needed another needless task to do in 100 degree temperatures. I saw the house across the street in the paper, they are asking $359,000 it is 1440 sq. ft, 3 bedrooms 2 baths...that is a lot of money. Around 1977 the same house sold for about $38,000. Guess that is all....God Bless you all in Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida.

I'm bored... the day was l-o-n-g... I felt restless and lonely all day and generally not good. Yes it is another one of those days and I hate those days. I didn't do anything that I planned to do today. I think the house across the street has sold...I tried to find it on the realtors website and it wasn't listed. Why is it when people have their house sold right away they begin to neglet it..the people across street stopped watering the lawn, and already there are dry patches on the grass.
Sellers act like their house is not their problem anymore, but it is their house until it closes escrow! I wouldn't do that. R is going to a family reunion Saturday and not taking dear old dad because, and I quote "I don't want to be bothered with him"...is that sad or what? Have you seen the new LOST previews? They are pretty cool. I tried to look for Mars tonight, it is suppose to the closest to earth in thousands of years, but the sky was overcast, I saw nothing not even a star. Mars will be close to earth until September 3rd, so I still have more chances to view it. Maybe we will be invided by little green men from Mars....then I won't be bored...lol

L claims it was not murder, L says it was an accident, but Seymour, the Chinese Fighting Fish did not have a fighting chance, may he rest in peace...amen!!! As the story unfolds, L was transporting Seymour in a jar, the jar had a lid and the appropriate holes on the lid for ventilation. The air conditioning in L's car was not working that fatal day, and when L arrived at the destination, Seymour lay flat on his back. L tried desperately to give Seymour mouth-to-mouth, but it proved useless. He now lies buried in between a row of rose bushes. Seymour was a good fish, he never asked for much in this life, he never talked back to anyone, he was easy to please, and at times had a dare devil attitude that made everyone's heart skip a beat. But now he has met his maker, the big tuna in the sky, and we will all remember him with fondness. And L, if the fish police come and question me, I will only speak of the wonderful relationship you shared with your beloved Seymour....if you pay me a few bucks.

$21.10 for 150 checks from my bank...it is highway robbery!!! Plus I had to talk to someone in India who I did not understand, and I had him repeat things...it was a nightmare. I will think twice before I order from my bank again, but I was in a bind this time. Live and Learn!!!
I woke up depressed again today and I could not shake it off until after 11AM. I felt very fearful all day, even my hands trembled...why?? I know I fear many things especially the future but living with this knot in my stomach can't go on, it is not good. I know I can not predict the future and no one knows what will happen, it is all in God's hands...but....tell that to my bran. It was hot again here today about 98 degrees. At least I wrote a letter to Italian today and added some to my story, so all was not lost. When I feel this way what I write is dark...and when I am happy I write happy things. But I am seldom happy...

R that I sounded negative today...only today? I must be better at concealing my feeling than I thought. I have negative and positive emotions that merge, so what does that make me?
Misunderstood, brooding, melancholic, gritty, rebellious, tough, dangerous, sweet, wild, warm, loving, steamy, cold, fearless, charming, fearful....? I don't know you tell me. If I knew my own emotions I would know who I am, and I don't know who I am. Anywho...I went for a short drive in the country this morning, with the price of gasoline it has to be short. Almonds are about ready to be harvested. Days get dark quicker now... I need to find myself....but I didn't know I was lost.

The "Middle East" and I made a peace settlement, all is ok again in that friendship!!!
M phoned today, that was a total surprise. M chewed me out for spending too much time on the computer. Then M told me M has had a bad experience with the Catholic church and no longer attends. I was surprised as M was a fervent church goer. MB is in Vegas...everyone seems to be going to Vegas lately. I hope to go there *someday* I would love to see the Rolling Stones in concert *someday* I would love to see Massachuttes in Autumn *someday* I want to travel to Italy and Iceland *someday* I want to live by the ocean *someday* and get out of this hot town
I want to become an author *someday* I want to visit Graceland *someday* I want to win the lottery *someday* I want to meet Arlo Guthrie *someday* I want a VW Jetta *someday* I want to write a song *someday* I want to be happy *someday* I want to lose my fears *someday* I want to write a good blog *someday*

Dear Blog, my Middle East relationship went suddenly down hill today, after Doha gave me the 3rd degree and ended up calling me dishonest!! No wonder there are wars. He later apologized but I am still upset over the accusations. A manhole cover blew up in downtown San Francisco this morning, everyone thought right away it was a terrorist attack, but it was caused by the gas company not doing their work right. I lost my cell phone, looked all over the house for it, and found it in my car between the seats. That scared me for awhile. C thinks I should buy a wiener dog, they are cute with their tiny little legs. Not much else to report. Adios Blog

Today I saw an unusual cloud formation. The bottom part was gray and the top white and it looked like an erupting volcano. Wish I had my camera with me. I like looking at clouds, and trying to figure out what their shapes look like, animals, angels, people's faces etc. I saw a white cloud once and inside it was a black cloud that looked like a cat's head. I have a photo of that one somewhere. I listen to Coast to Coast, therefore I look to the sky for comtrails, and ufo's and such things...hey, it gives me something to do in my spare time!! I saw the tic-tac-toe comtrail once on my way to work, so people are not making them up. I also saw a ufo many years ago, it was very high in the night sky, I was with friends, and someone said "what's that?" We all looked up and saw it, the next day the paper wrote an article about ufo sightings in our area. I think I also saw a ufo when I was a kid, about 9-10 years old. I was with my playmate and we looked up and saw an orange cigar shaped object in the sky, it was not moving, it had a small green light at the tail. We ran to get my Dad, and when he came outside to look it was gone. Well, that's my story and I am sticking to it. lol Happy Birthday Uncle L.

I ranted and raved about R...today R came to my house unexpectedly, said she had been shopping and had not eaten anything and could I give her sandwich or something. And I oblidged...I always had a hard time staying mad at someone, so I fed her and we chatted for awhile, and I am her friend and she is my friend, and I made myself crazy for nothing.
Earlier I went to Office Depot, bought notebooks for 10 cents each, also some cheap pens and glue. Wow...what a shopping spree, I spent all of $5.39..!! I am feeling depressed in splirts today..every now and then it hits me, and then goes away. I started reading Leap of Faith by Queen Noor (of Jordan). It is excellent so far, I have a sudden interest in the middle east.
(I think I have mispelled a few words, but the correct spelling does not come up on my word check)

Elvis died 28 years ago today... but his spirit will never die...he will always be the King of Rock and Roll. Most of his movies were duds, but he wanted to star in Rebel Without A Cause...wouldn't have that been cool. He returned to his roots in the late 1960's but his Vegas years were a parody. A few think he is still alive, but I don't, he wouldn't do that to his family, friends and fans. I think even with his rebel image he was always very insecure. Would he still be in the music business if he lived? I have his Elvis 1956 CD and it is fantastic.
Well they sprayed for mosquitoes last night, hope it does some good. I went to the grocery store and that is about all I did. I watched Big Brother and hate it now, it is a house full of liars and it is no longer entertaining. I hope people in general are not such liars, I want to believe people are basically truthful. I chatted with Doha this afternoon, I didn't expect to see him online, we had a nice talk about life in general. Don't step on my blue suede shoes...Dude!!!

The temperature dropped 20 degrees over night, today it was in the mid-80's and overcast, we even had a little sprinkle of rain. Tonight the County will spray for mosquitoes, starting about 3:30AM. I hope it works. I woke up so sleepy this morning, I couldn't keep my eyes open, I went to bed early at 10:30PM and slept soundly, so I don't know why I woke up like that. Maybe it has to do with my stressful weekend, that wore me out. I did hear from R, and she didn't come out and say it, but she said it was to much work on her to take her father to her daughters wedding, so as I guessed all along, because he didn't go, R didn't need me as the caregiver, so I was discarded. I think it was rude of R, she at least could have called me and tell me one way or another what was happening. R said if I wanted to know I could have called her...
I did, and got an answering machine, since she left on Thursday. But she told me "I will call you on Wednesday and let you know" I don't even want to deal with this anymore...but hopefully I will learn a lesson, liars don't only exist on Big Brother. lol So this my boring entry for today...

100 degrees I am sitting here crying, not because I am not going to the wedding, but because I won't be chatting with Doha everyday. It was so hard knowing tonight was the last of our 3 and 4 hour chats. He made me laugh, he made me cry, he taught me so much in these few weeks. Funny I feel closer to him then I do to most of my relatives. I know we will chat a little bit now and then, but it won't be the same, we will go on our own separate paths and gradually grow away from each other. It is just making me cry thinking about it. At the end of our chat session neither one of us could type anything, I didn't know what to say and neither of us knew how to end it. We just looked at the monitor and did nothing at all. Finally he had to log off...I couldn't. I wish I felt this way about more friends, but most never understand me...they never know me...why is it possible for this one man thousands of miles away to know me so well?
I don't understand it. He knew how I was feeling by the way I typed the messages to him, by the length of time I took to hit each letter, by my answers etc. Sometimes we would answer each others questions before they were typed and sent. I know this is silly to feel so strongly about someone I met on the net June 25th...but our friendship is deep... and I already miss him.

100 degrees. I purposely stayed off the computer all yesterday evening, and all this morning and afternoon, to await some word about my ride to the wedding....and nothing!!! I feel very let down by this lack of concern. No wonder I have always felt like a nobody. Anyhow, I did chat with Doha a little awhile ago and he made me smile. And Kaysar got voted back into the BB house, so I am happy about that. They said they had over 5 million votes, one of them was mine. lol See, one vote does make a difference. I didn't see anyone, I didn't talk to anyone, and I don't have any news or gossip worth reporting. I will not sulk, life is to short to have other people ruin it. I will work some on my story...and watch more tv...and listen to George Noory..and go asleep...because tomorrow is another day!

The Drama Queen phoned me, it's been a month....and I was doing good. After her call I felt like all my energy was zapped from me. I wish I knew what it was...this strange sensation I get anytime I talk to her and even just reading her emails. Anyhow, a for sale sign went up in front of the house across the street...I knew it....they didn't tell anyone they were moving.
R was suppose to let me know for sure if I did or did not have a ride to the wedding on Saturday..as usual, I did not hear a word. I wrote one whole page of a letter to K...a real snail mail letter not the email stuff. I owe so many snail mails...I just don't feel like writing. Speaking of emails I got a message from M in Italy today and he told me he was "moody like a woman" lol. M did write me a long and nice message, he wants to chat again, IM, only he is on MSN and I Yahoo. Maybe I can get M to download Yahoo, cuz I don't want to try to download anything new, because my computer always freezes and I end up with nada! I am starting to feel depressed again tonight, worrying about the future...that i why I am blogging and messing around here. Trying to keep my mind from thinking, you'd think that would be easy to do....pero....lol

100 degrees. I went to the grocery store to buy lemonade in cans, but I couldn't find it, so I substituted with canned grapefruit soda. My reasoning was grapefruit...lemon...are a pretty close match. Was I wrong about that. The grapefruit soda is horrible, I can hardly drink the stuff!
Last night they sprayed for mosquitoes in Sacramento, that doesn't do any good for where I live. The news did give me a nightmare, I dreamt I was sleeping and woke up to find my arm had a whole row of mosquito bites and I panicked. I went to the front door and tacked on it I found at least 10 fliers warning me of dangerous mosquitoes in the area. I couldn't take anymore stress I guess because I woke up with a jolt. Instantly I looked at my arm for bites and to my relief it was only in my dream...but before I had breakfast I checked my front door for fliers, and found an offer from a pizza place.
The mysterious neighbor moved more stuff out of his house today...I presume he is moving away. There were no for sale signs in front of his house....mmmm very interesting....lol

100 degrees I feel really sad about the death of Peter Jennings. He died of lung cancer as my Dad did at age 52. Although Dad passed away many years ago, Peter's death unexpectedly brought back to me many painful memories. Seeing my healthy, strong, fun loving father gradually decline and die. And it reminds me how terribly I missed my Dad all these years. How jealous I have always been that other kids and later other adults still had their fathers. How I longed to talk to my Dad as an adult, he was so wise, so comical, so generous. How much he had yet to teach me, how much I could have learned from him, how much we had in common and could have shared. I know if he lived my life would had been much much different. I long to feel his strong arms wrap around and hug me, and I long to hear his voice again. I can barely remember his voice now. It almost feels like a dream that I had a Dad...but he was real, and I was for a short time daddy's little girl. People said I was his spitting image. He was my hero and always will be my hero. He took his cancer in stride, he never felt sorry for himself. He tried so hard to beat it. People never take your fathers for granted, treasure your time together, it all passes so quickly. I love Dad so very much. I hope he knows it.

101 degrees. Here it is another Sunday come and gone. There is nothing to report. I am happy the crew in the Russian submarine were saved. My ride to the wedding is a definite "maybe" right now. I didn't do anything what-so-ever....I didn't even go outside to pick up the paper until after 7PM...that is what you call Lazy with a capital L. lol R is thinking of having a yard sale. I would like to do that someday, there is stuff I haven't looked at or used in years, so why keep it?One man's junk is another man's treasure...or so they say.(do you every wonder who the "they" are who say all these things?) The best sign I ever saw was "We Buy Junk...and Sell Antiques" lol...I loved that one! Apparently I get disconnected from the internet because the area I live in as old phone lines. That is a bummer. Also could be that I have static in my phone line, any little interruption will disconnect a phone from server. I was blaming my pc...so I hope Delly, as I call it, forgives me. It is not Delly's fault. lol

101 degrees.. I have a ride to the wedding...I don't have a ride to the wedding...I have...I don't....
Grrrrr it has been like this all week and I don't know what to do! I guess just wait until the last possible moment. I hear booms coming from the street, I don't know what it could be and I am afraid to look out of the window. I have been on the 'net to long today, tomorrow I must pace myself. August 27th Mars will be the closest to earth than it has been in thousands of years, should be a good show. I plan to try to look at it. The city is spraying for the Nile Virus, it is silly but I have developed a fear of mosquitoes with so much talk on the news about it. God forbid if I ever see a dead bird!!!! I will have a panic attack. Do we need all these fears...don't we have enough? I feel so hungry right now...but I have nothing good to eat around here. I want to stay up late enough to watch Texas Hold'em on tv...it is a good thing I don't have cable tv and can watch it 24/7. If I were younger I think I'd become a professional gambler. A professional artist gambler...I don't want to leave out the art work. Speaking of which, remember Doby Gillis?
He is having an art exhibit in town, his paintings are excellent, very colorful, many of his works are houses, and/or fields with flowers.

101 degrees. I keep forgetting if today is Friday or Saturday!! O stopped by to pick up L's clothes for the wedding. I can tell you this Twilight Zone is not the key word to attrack hits to my blog..rats!!! I thought I had it figured out. A & D are going on a cruise to the Mexican Riviera, I think. Is there a Mexican Riviera? I goggled "pig in a poke" it means something like buying an item without seeing it first. A poke is a bag. I hope the Russians in that downed sub-marine are saved, that situation is very scary. I hope the shuttle lands without incident. Both the shuttle and sub have 7 passengers...does that mean anything? Probably not. I have no plans for the weekend, maybe I will call M? I wanted to email her part of my story but I chickened out. C said "Sam" like to sit next to C on the sofa and be petted, Sam never did that before for C and apparently I taught the old dog a new trick. lol Maybe tomorrow I will have some news to blog about...or complain about...or something.
"And time around me whispers when it's cold. The changes somehow frighten me. Still I have to smile..." John Denver

One word describes Marty Casey...WOW... He has the voice, he has the moves and he has the looks. I hope he wins Rock Star INXS. Tonight Kaysar was voted out of BB6...Sniffle Sniffle. lol But the good news is there is a possibility of his return. R came by for about an hour this afternoon, I gave her A's wedding gift. O is stopping by tomorrow to pick up L's dressy jacket. Tonight I wanted to turn off the tv set so I turned off the light expecting the tv set to shut itself off. lol Last night I had the strangest dream, I scratched my ear and a piece of lettuce came out of it, then I scratched it again an white ribbon came out..and I thought to myself, no wonder my ear hurt. I know its gross...but strange never-the-less. No, I am not high...lol I got a lot of hits Tuesday on my blog, and I am wondering if it is due to the fact that I wrote Twlight Zone? So this is a test and I will let you know what happens.

I wish I was in Iceland. Yes, yes...Iceland, the land of the midnight sun, of sheep, horses, hot springs, beaches, cool temperatures and few people, dried fish and "Black Death." Yes, yes...I wish I was there.
It is still hot here and we are headed toward another hot week, one gal on tv predicted 110 degrees can happen in a day or two. I am again feeling very alone and depressed. I kept busy today doing what had to be done, but that still leaves me plenty of time to worry. No one knows what tomorrow brings..then why do I spend so much time worrying about it? Remember the neighbors who I thought were moving? Today I spied a guy in a pickup truck taking their sofa away. Maybe they just sold it to buy another? This spy stuff is getting interesting. lol I started to water the front yard about 7AM, and somehow managed to move the sprinkler and got soaking wet. That woke me up in a hurry. I learned to write the numbers 1 to 10 in Arabic today....is that cool or what? R called we had a nice chat. Peace out!!!

100 degrees...more to come. This morning I went to the gas station, maybe I was dreaming, but I think the gas I put into my car was $2.67 a gallon??? Now I will have to go back and look at the posted sign they have there just to make sure. I also went grocery shopping....yeah boring. I am less depressed today so that in itself is a good thing. But news wise not much happening.
How about the new planet? Are they sure it is not Poo-do-sha? lol I thought a lot about RAD
today....Something very strange happened to me. In the stores parking lot my lipstick fell out of my purse. I picked up the tube and tossed it into my purse, and then I found the cover to it and tossed it in my purse. When I got home I looked in my purse so I could close it properly and it was already closed the right way!!!!! Now how in the heck could that have happened? It gave me goose bumps. Good night from the Twilight Zone.....

101 degrees. News said this was our hottest July ever recorded. My internet connection was bad yesterday, kept disconnecting me so often, then a message came up for me to report the error to the server. I did, this morning when I signed on, I got a message my dial up numbers were deleted and I had to select new ones. My computer would not let me do that task easily so I am frustrated. I felt really depressed today, it took everything I had to get myself up and out of bed. I planned to do some things today but physically and emotionally I can not do anything, it is a big deal that I am typing this entry. I wish I knew what was wrong. I think it is because I feel so all alone, and problems mount and I can not see any solutions, it is very difficult for me to make all the decisions by myself. No one on earth knows how desperate I feel deep down inside me, how much stress and worry I carry within myself...they don't want to know....because no one cares. They are happy in their own lives and that is all that matters to them. Maybe I will just stop pretending to everyone that I am fine and show my real self? I need a hug......