Nothing 4 Nothing

I don't know where the day went...do you ever think about where phrases came from, like 'the grass is aways greener on the other side of the fence'..'the black sheep of the family'...'caught red handed'...'watch your p's and q's'...'crazy as a bed bug'...etc. Today it was near 80 degrees, very nice out, but looks like clouds are forming again. I am following the news about the runaway bride in Georgia, would like to know her whole story. She had a big wedding planned, 14 bridesmaids I believe...hope A doesn't bolt on her wedding day. *lol* I will be happy when the basketball playoffs are off tv, they are messing up with my tv shows and I am very annoyed.
Why does the local tv station think viewers of tv series give a dang about basketball? Saw the tv commercial where a baby elephant "skips" around to "Singing in the Rain" it is sooo cute. Sounds like I am seeing way to much tv...*lol*

It's Friday...and MW's birthday...have a happy one! Not much to report in the way of news.
Had a big downpour yesterday afternoon, rain came down so fast it flooded our street to the curb. Last night I had a bad nighmare, someone was chasing me, and wanted to beat me up...why I don't know...and he kept following me, so I hid in the house and everytime I peeked out of the front window he was standing outside waiting! Needless to say when I woke up I was tired from all the running and hiding I did all night. *lol* MV finally gave me the 'thank you' for the project I did. I taught my pal in Italy to say "lickety split" if he wants something done fast,
he works via telephone with firm in Arkansas, and they never had orders done on time, I told him he had to talk to them in their own language!! I gave him some other good words to use, like
hankering..hunkey dorey...darn tottin....

O stopped by today...that is about all that happened...I live such an exciting life.
I need to answer several emails but haven't the inclination to do it. Did you see the picture of Geo W holding hands with the Saudi prince? What's with that?? R's cat was killed by coyotes last night...R lives in the country. You can hear the coyote's howl late at night, but they were always far off in the distance, I guess they are getting braver or hungrier. I need to get out of the house tomorrow, maybe that will lift my spirits...I just feel "blah" today. Received A's "Save this date" card in the mail.

Happy Birthday YP...my wild and crazy Canadian friend!!
I always wanted to go to Iceland, after watching Oprah now I want to even more... the people are movie star beautiful, they like to party from midnight to 6AM, drink Black Death and eat rotten shark meat (yummy). I think way way back my ancestors were Vikings and lived in Iceland, before migrating to Italy.. as yet I have no way to prove it. I love the beauty of Iceland,
it is a strange and beautiful country, pure natural and unspoiled. The scenery is amazing, snow capped mountains and miles of black volcanic rock covered by bright green moss, the greenery kept manicured by thousands of sheep. There are geysers, glaciers, hot spings, black sand beaches, and the icelandic horses..just to names a few things. Friour, asp og hlatur...peace, love and laughter!!

I want to learn how to play poker, I have been reading rules online but still confused. I want to sit at a poker table wearing sunglasses at night and annoyingly play with my chips as I carefully observe and study the poker faces sitting across from me on the table. I want to get into their heads and make them squirm and feel uptight and then walk away with the pot ( pot of money of course) Soon I will be rich and be on TV poker games, handsome men will buy me drinks and expensive gifts. Back to reality....today has been oh so boring, I have been thinking too much and feeling worried, nervous and depressed, but I am practicing my poker face.

Can it thunder in the middle of the night? I think I heard it last night, or could had been a loud car? Hear about the 5 year old being arrested and handcuffed by 3 police men for acting up in kindergarten? I think I've seen and heard it all now, what is this world coming to? This weekend is the asparagus destival in Stockton, some of it is rained out. They have asparagus ice cream (yum-yum) the fried asparagus ain't that bad though. I feel so tired today, tired of doing nothing I suppose. E mailed a few folks, watched a movie on TV "A Family Thing" it was good. That's all she wrote.....

Around 1 PM the sun was out and it was nearly 80 degrees, by 3 PM the weather was overcast, it thundered and rained. Not much excitement here...still waiting for N to show up. I have spent to much time looking at satellite views of streets on the internet, zooming in and out, snooping at neighboring houses seeing who has a pool etc. Saw Uncle A's ranch and you can count the pine trees in front. I found a poem for chapter 2 of my story, it is by Alexander Throckmorton:
"In youth my wings were strong and tireless,
But I did not know the mountains
In age I knew the mountains
But my weary wings could not follow my vision--
Genius is wisdom and youth"

N was suppose to come or call today, he did neither, on the other hand MC emailed me such a soulful letter, it made my day. I believe there are no coincidences, things happen for a purpose. I believe we humans have individual souls and that God is the concept of the universal soul. I believe our souls pass from one body to the another in reincarnation. Each life is a learning experience, a way to grow to a higher level, until we get it right and are able to enter into the afterlife. The soul does not have a beginning or and end. I believe in past lives and that some of us have know each other for eternity. I think we have no real control over our destiny, that our decisions and actions have been all plotted out by fate.
Good bye to Anwar Robinson who was voted out of Idol last night, he will go on to greater things. I was shocked he was the one to leave, he is beautiful, his voice is beautiful, the voting public is insane, Cherrio

I was hoping for a more liberal pope...but guess not. I can not understand all the emotions at St. Peter's Square about the funeral of John Paul and the first sightings of the new pope Benedict. The people there seem to idolize the popes, as if they were famous rock stars. I just don't feel that way, am I wrong? We in America do not fully understand the Vatican, the ancient rituals and pageantry, the richness of the Vatican, the new $20 million hotel built for the Cardinals, the gold and original Michelangelo paintings inside the churches etc. Maybe it is the distance between countries? What would Jesus think about the pope and the Vatican? He would probably wonder who is that dude, and tell him to sell everything and help the poor. I believe in God, I believe in Jesus...I don't think the universe began with a big bang. Who made the universe, the galaxies..it didn't just happen. It is unexplainable, we are like koi swimming in a pond, suddenly someone picks us up and lifts us above the water, we look around at the strange new world that was always just above our heads, but how would we explain what we saw to the other fishes?
We would not have accurate words, and that is how it is with the universe and God, unexplainable.

Just got back from Turlock, was visiting R & G, it was a nice but windy day. A was printing out
"save this date" cards, apparently cards to announce the wedding date before the formal invitation arrive. Stopped by O's house, first time there, her rooms are so brightly painted, the living room is red/black with a Victorian/Japanese theme, all very artistic. Saw a beautiful, horse hedge sculpture in front of a mansion type house near Denair. The hedge horse was full size and running, I loved it. Freeway traffic was bumper to bumper. We got a new Pope, "vive il Papa" hope his is liberal minded, but it doesn't seem so. Last night I had a dream that I worked as a sounds effect person at a movie studio and I was making waterfall sounds by pouring large glasses of orange juice into a bowl....go figure.

Don't Go Far Off, Not Even For A Day,
Because...
because...I don't know how to say it; a day is long and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station when the trains are parked off some where else, asleep.

Don't leave me, not even for an hour,
because...then the little drops of anguish will run together, the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your silhoutte never dissolve on the beach; may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest, because in that moment you'll have gone so far I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking, will you come back? Will you leave me here?"

--Pablo Neruda-- <3

M left awhile ago, my printer problem, was a defective cartridge!! In computer talk he said "the metal feed of the cartridge printer head became detached when removing the shipping tape" So now I need to return it to Office Max and hope they will give me a refund. He also cleaned my mouse, and it is much better now, it was so fast and loose before. I printed out all the pages of my story while the printer is still working. I love seeing my story in print on paper, it gives it a importantacy. (Is that a word or am I just making it up?) C called, after a week C was worried about not hearing from me. I explained how the past few days I was really depressed and wanted to die. I hope I will feel more like myself next week and finally be able to see the good in things. The weather here is great, sunny, near 80, but I have only been outside to get the mail.

A so-so day...I worried so much about everything yesterday that I hoped I'd die in my sleep and get it all over with, but I am still here and will carry on, to the best of my ability. A & D's escrow closed and they picked up the keys to their new house. R bought a new coffee maker and it took an hour to get the lid off it, R is taking it back to Costco. I discovered you have to dust lamp shades now and then. No one told be that, I learned by accident, when I had the dust rag in my hand and wiped the lamp shade...it turned a different color!! *lol* M hopefully is coming tomorrow to look at my printer, hope he can fix it. I tried cleaning it inside and played around with it for awhile, but nothing happened. That is the way the day went.

My Lexmark printer is all messed up!! And I am mad!!! Just bought 2 new cartridges for it and now this happens. I talked to tech support for at least an hour, and after plugging and unplugging it, pushing buttons, they told me it is a hardware problem and to call a printer repairman. So I did, explained everything and he said I can buy my printer model X83 on ebay for $20, that it was cheaper to buy a new printer then to repair mine. I don't know how to install and uninstall a printer, so guess I will have to call M and pay him to do it for me....like I have $$ to spare. I am so freaking mad. Is anyone reading my posts or am I talking to myself here?

In Quel Medesmo Tempo
In the very moment that I worship you,
the memory of my unhappy days
comes to mind and weeping says:
Who burns well loves well, which I do.
Though how of all this I shield construe...
This love poem was written over 450 years ago by Michelangelo. Beautiful, isn't it?
My white Alyssums are blooming by the sidewalk now, they smell and look so bright and plentiful. Spring has sprung here in the valley with unbelievable colors and scents. My spirit today feels uplifted and so much better then previous days, for that I am grateful. Some days I feel so lost and alone that it is difficult to put one foot in front of the other and go on...and on other days, like today, I feel that maybe life can be good again.

I was in a dept. store today and got a good look at myself in a 3-way mirror...I saw nothing to like about myself. I became more depressed then I was this weekend, and all I wanted was to go home. I hate mirrors and photographs of myself. I hate myself big time. Funny how something like that can ruin my day. I have always felt that I was just taking up space on this planet, there is no reason for me to exist..and my mirror image confirmed that. Anyway...R came over for awhile, told me E got a job transfer to Hawaii, I forgot which island, he works for FedEx. City crew returned at 7AM and started drilling holes again..its lovely to wake up to the sounds of jack hammers. Hope the rest of the week will be better than today.

You need to do this, go to Google and type in "voice mail jack in the box" and download the message. The message was made by a guy in Texas who just witnessed a minor traffic accident, and his eyewitness account is hilarious. His laugh is contagious. I had tears rolling down my eyes listening to it. He describes little old ladies beating up the other driver using purses, umbrellas and a bible!! This message originally left for his boss to explain why he was late for a meeting is soooo funny! I searched the internet and it is not a hoax, the guy's name is Mike Child and he really works at Jack in the Box. Enjoy.

A whole lot of rain going on here, more funnel clouds and small tornados in the Sacramento area, knocking down trees and tearing shingles off roofs. This has happened twice in 2 weeks, very odd. I put off my my trip to the shopping center and felt lazy all day. I hope I can get back in the groove soon. Woke up about 4AM and turned on the tv set in hopes to see some of the Pope's funeral, but it was all over by then so I returned to my warm cozy bed. Later saw parts of it on tv news coverage. George W was boo'ed at St. Peters Square when his face was shown on the giant tv monitor...lei fato bene mio Italiani...maybe he will get the message someday...no more wars... Like a kid R opened her birthday gifts a day ahead of time, A will not even open a card that comes in the mail before his actual birthdate. People are different.

The blogger website is playing tricks on me all day. I don't know how to fix it, I am not good at fixing things. S had the cops pounding on her door, they mistakenly thought she called 9-1-1, how weird is that? They said there must be some type of a misconnection. Frightening if some one really needed help and they went to the wrong house. People are saying things to me that make me feel more depressed...I don't know what to do, I have enough worries, yet they add new worrisome thoughts to the chaos of my mind. I can't seem to think my way out things lately and making the smallest decision is difficult. I hate living my life the way it is right now.... I will watch the Pope's funeral I guess....

I did a fairly large research project for someone who will remain nameless, and I didn't even get a Thank You back...oh, well. I have been feeling a little off center today, don't really know why.
The sun is out, birds are singing, I should be skipping rope outdoors with the neighborhood kids. The jurors laughing about the boy who yesterday testified against Michael Jackson was horribly pathetic. One said "boo hoo hoo, so Michael Jackson tickled him" that remark made me sick. All the jurors who participated in this comedy skit should be kicked out. I detest childhood abuse in any manner and this trial is not a laughing matter. Happy to report that Uncle L2 is doing much better but he is still hospitalized. C finally returned my phone call. Things here have been quiet...hope it is not the quiet before the storm.
Have you tried Google Maps, type in an address and click the right corner on I think sky view...it has "new" printed by it...very rad.

Someone today called me "old" Not an old friend, not an old soul, not an old flame...just said I was OLD!! It was shocking to my nervous system and my brain continues to mull over that one word. I counted my years on the planet, and I do not consider myself old. I looked in the mirror, and the reflection staring back at me did not look old, but how do others see me? I don't think I act old or think old...but the word still bugs the #!!&@ out of me and ruined my entire day thus far. Anyway, went to PO to mail a package and did everything by machine in the lobby..didn't have to stand in line or anything. Cool. But I threw my letters down a "packages only" slot and now wonder what will happen to them? OLD people would read the posted sign before depositing mail, OLD people are wise...I am not OLD, I tell you...Not not not!!!

What the heck is "java script" and why does it keep sending me error messages? Wish I knew more about computers!! D painted me a soulful portrait of RAD, he looks so real and 3-D like, gives me goose bumps. R and I went shopping this afternoon, gift stores, book stores, card shops and then to Burger King, it was fun. Hey I had a good day for once! I met O for the first time, and she sure has a bubbly personality and talks a mile a minute. Time change is still messing me up, it was hard to wake up this morning. I don't know why in this day and age we have to change times twice a year. I heard it was originally done so farmers could work later in their fields, so tell me, how many of us are farmers? And just how many farmers in 2005 work late, and don't their tractors have headlights, no one walks behind horses pulling a plow any more--give me a break! R's birthday is Saturday, but I gave her her gift today in case I don't see her before then. Can I say "her" so many times in one sentence, and is "her her" proper English? Gotta go...see ya!

"Though I think not
To think about it.
I do think about it
And shed tears
Thinking about it." (Ryokan)

That about sums up the way I have been feeling. Everyone is so quiet this weekend, is it because of the gloomy weather? The Pope's death? I feel bad because I am not crying like the people on TV are about the Pope. Is there something wrong with me? I suddenly feel like an alien. Yet I do cry over other deaths like the Wallet Family and John Denver etc and I didn't know them.
Arlo Guthrie has a grandson named Arlo, how cool is that? Talked to V today and glad I did, we had a nice chat. Weatherwise it has been overcast here all day with rain due in tonight. Why is weather "wise"? I have been researching our family genealogy and emailed some info I collected to relatives this afternoon. Keep on truckin'...

Today the angels welcomed home Pope John Paul. He was admired worldwide and will be missed.
After a month I re-read part three of my story, Geez I must had been high when I thought it was finished. Now I find so many sentences and ideas I must correct. Why didn't I notice all this before? I love to write and to concentrate hard on a story line instead of my real life. It truly transforms me into another world. K and M read parts 1 and 2 and liked it, or so they said not wanting to hurt my feelings. M is acting more or less as an editor, and giving the story some added dialogue, M said it sounds like a soap opera...is that good or bad? K liked the main character, I bugged her about him, as he is a "bad boy" type and does a few regretful things but later is remorseful and makes amends, I wanted people to like him and seems I pulled it off. I can't believe this story has been in progress for 2 years, I will be collecting socail security before it is finished! Not much happened today, I stayed in all day, still no word from C...oh, well.

All this week on the news we've been waiting for people to die, Schiavo, Prince Rainer, the Pope...can't get any worst than that. At least Prince Charles keeps us laughing with his whispered remarks about the "bloody" press, and soon will be his and Camella's wedding. I don't care what others say, but I believe she is his first love, his true love, his soulmate, and wish them them happiness. A loud noise woke me up this morning before 7AM, I at first blamed the neighbor, he sometimes starts up his car early and lets the engine run. But this noise kept going so I investigated and saw it was the City digging a hole with huge equipment on the corner of our street. I think they are putting in a drain, as that corner always floods after a rain. They worked on it all day, I haven't a clue if they are done or not. Waited for C to return my phone call but she never did...that is annoying. So far I haven't been tricked on this April's Fool Day. Just wish I felt happier, I am tired of my down moods, but what do I have to feel happy about these days? Nada. It is a lot of work and very tiring to keep going, it takes energy that I don't have to deal with situations I am afraid to face. I just wish people cared. Gotta run now, and see if anyone met their maker.