Nothing 4 Nothing

I want to learn how to play poker, I have been reading rules online but still confused. I want to sit at a poker table wearing sunglasses at night and annoyingly play with my chips as I carefully observe and study the poker faces sitting across from me on the table. I want to get into their heads and make them squirm and feel uptight and then walk away with the pot ( pot of money of course) Soon I will be rich and be on TV poker games, handsome men will buy me drinks and expensive gifts. Back to reality....today has been oh so boring, I have been thinking too much and feeling worried, nervous and depressed, but I am practicing my poker face.