Nothing 4 Nothing

Loneliness is not the right word for the way I feel today, alone-ness sounds better. I feel as if I am totally alone in the world, the outsider peeking in at how other people live but never being a part of their world. I feel like the person standing in the corner, the person standing alone in a crowd and knowing no one cares, that no one has cared for many years. I feel I'm never accepted or welcomed in others lives that I'm just being tolerated. I can't tell the truth about my feelings to anyone, because all they well say is "get over it" They think of me as the person who has no need of emotions, that can live without happiness, that doesn't need anyone to say nice things to me, and the truth is, I'm the complete opposite. When they talk to me they brag and brag knowing fully that I have one tenth of what they possess, yet they tell me about all the new things they purchased, all the money they have and don't know how to spend, all the food they have in their kitchen. And I am forced to listen and pretend how happy I am for them...because if I say something that will offend them, I will be cut off and ignored. Nobody knows the real me.
I'm tired of living my life this way, I'm tired of everything. All I have to look forward to is more bad luck and bad news, more disappointments. I tried all my life to fit in, to make other people happy and what has it got me? I let the others walk all over my opinions and my beliefs just not to disagree...I'm tired of trying and crying...I'm tired of ME.