Nothing 4 Nothing

Sitting in front of the computer screen, flooded by an avalanche of disjointed thoughts. The last few days have been like a roller coaster ride, I experienced a full gamut of emotions, frustration, happiness, depression, love, fear, and the worst of all loneliness. I feel like I am drowning and there is no one who is willing to help me. I always hid my loneliness well but apparently not today. Not being in the presence of another person sucks! I would rather be anywhere then here. I wish I was a turtle, so I can duck inside my shell and stay there forever. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy and carefree. Where is my life going...forward...backward..nowhere? Sometimes I see the future that I want but I know I will never get in this lifetime. Problems big or small overwhelm me, today I don't think I can fight my way out of a paper bag. I am drained of all energy, all logic, all hope. What I need is a hug, someone who would share my burdens, just for a little while. Is that to much to ask for? I want to be with one person for the rest of my life, a best friend, a companion, a lover. Someone who understands me, supports and inspires me, and accepts all my damn flaws. I don't want to be alone...but that is my fate. I wonder how long I can go on like this?