Nothing 4 Nothing

Another rainy day...and not much happened today, even my emails were boring. I usually get at least one "forward" that makes me laugh, but none today. I think people are avoiding me because I have been told many times "nobody likes you" those words were spoken by A who dished out a lot of verbal abuse. The scars of verbal abuse take longer to heal than physical abuse. The words stay deep within you, the words make you think less of yourself, make you feel useless and inferior, and gives the abuser complete control over your life, because he convinces you he is the only person in the world who will put up with you, not love you or care for you, but out of the kindness of his heart he puts up with you, without him you alone and unwanted and useless, etc. etc. Words hurt and words linger for a lifetime. I always felt everyone else was better than me... it has taken a long time to even begin to think otherwise. I never liked myself. When I did accomplish anything A would belittle what I did, tell me how others did it so much better. A never liked the clothes I wore, never gave me encouragement, never gave me a hug unless I asked for one, and then it would be a limp hug... I'd ask "do you love me?" A would reply "are you a baby, only a baby has to be told I love you all the time" I couldn't tell anyone about A because I was threatened "if you ever tell anyone..I'll..." etc. etc "..you always blame me...etc etc" A turned himself into the victim. A always acted so diffrent when others came to visit, laughing, talking when alone I got the cold shoulder... no one would have figured it out. This is the first time I have written about this in a form that others can read. People please do not verbal or physically abuse anyone... and I love you all. <3