Nothing 4 Nothing

I fell back to my old worrisome thinking habits today, feeling nothing good is in the future and the only place I am going from here is down. Words can not describe the depressing thoughts I have about myself and my life in general and how that makes me feel. Basically I am a private person and I can not tell friends what is really in my heart and mind, thereforeI carry the burden alone, and it is a heavy load. It is difficult to "pretend" to be happy and up when I am not, and to say "everything is fine" when I am drowing in a sea of problems. I feel useless, seems all my life I felt of little value to anyone, that whatever I accomplished was not good enough. Days like today I have to actually talk myself to get up in the morning, I want to lay in bed all day with the blankets pulled up over my head or just hide in a dark closet. I will get over this, at least I hope it passes, but truthfully even in my better days I still feel sad and lonely.